oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
