someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize