I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
