You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
