You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
