I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
