I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
