I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
