Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
