I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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