I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
