please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
COCAINE IS GR8
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
