Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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