just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
