Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize