Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
