just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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