I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
did you just send me my own nude
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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