My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize