Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
