i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
