your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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