Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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