shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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