this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
