I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
