u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
