I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
