Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
