my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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