it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
