If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my shit smells like andre
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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