My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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