im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
