apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
