Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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