They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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