I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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