I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
