do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
These tits shall not be calmed
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
