WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
