just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
