ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
