So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
