Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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