I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize