It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
