just survived the first fart of the relationship.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
