my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
