He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
