yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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