Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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