I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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