I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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