Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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