my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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