At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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